Most parents praise their child, thinking that they are encouraging their child to be a better student.  Research is revealing that is has the opposite effect: It can cause the child to stop trying (because they feel they cannot live up to their parents’ praise) or to not function without adult input (they feel they need your praise and input at every step).

So, what can you say that won’t do the opposite of what you were intending?

A good tip is to describe rather than praise.  Tell your child what you see, and how it makes you feel.  Avoid superlatives like, “that’s beautiful!” or “You do perfect work”.  Try:  “I see that you are sticking with those math questions. You are determined to solve them.” or “You have worked hard on this display.  I feel like I know more about the Mayans after reading it”.

Swap out your praise for the phrases on the list below. Also include any positive observations about their cognitive processes (such as making notes while they read, pausing to re-read, asking themselves questions, etc). These observations will reinforce that they do the metacognitive work that all good students do.

You’re on the right track now!

You are good at that

That’s much better

I’m happy to see you working like that

You’re doing a good job

Now you’ve figured it out

Now you have it

Keep working on it, you are getting better

You’re a great help

You’re getting better everyday

Nice going (enthusiastically, not sarcastically!)

That’s the way to do it

That’s a kind (thoughtful, co-operative,helpful) thing you did

You’ve just about mastered that

You did that very well

You’re really improving

You’ve got that down-pat

Good thinking

Keep on trying

I like that

I think you’ve got it now

You figured that out fast

 

 Now, that’s what I call a fine job

You must have been practicing/doing your homework

Good remembering

You did a lot of work today

You’re doing fine

You are really learning a lot

You out-did yourself today

Good going

You remembered!

You’ve just about got it

That’s quite an improvement

You are doing that much better today

You are learning fast

One more time and you’ll have it

You did it that time

That’s the way

Now you’ve figured it out!

You haven’t missed a thing

You’ve got your brain in gear

I’m pleased with how you worked today

You’re really working hard today

I’m proud of the way you worked today

 

Want to know more?  The concept of Mindset has important implications for students.  You can read about Mindset and the value of praise here:

Dweck, Carol,  Mindset: the New Psychology of Success. Ballantine Books, New York, NY, 2007  ISBN 0345472322

Ginott, Hiam, Between Parent and Child: The Best-Selling Classic that Revolutionized Parent-Child Communication. Harmony Books, New York, NY, 2003 (reprint), ISBN 0609809881